The Bottom 10 inspirational thought of the week:
Now I know how it feels
I know how it feels
When the pain inside won't ease
And it drives you to your knees
When the one that you adore
Doesn't want you anymore
I know, now I know how it feels
-- Lobo, "Now I Know How It Feels"
I have this picture in mind of what the past weekend was like for the teams of the Bottom 10.
Once again, they lost. But this time, as they slunk back into the field house and threw their pads into their lockers, they looked up at the TV or down at their phones and saw the scores rolling in. Oregon ... BYU ... A&M ... Bama ... Oklahoma ... loss after loss after loss.
I envision an evil grin breaking out over the faces of the players of the Bottom 10. It's a smile not unlike the Joker's ... or Will Muschamp's during a postgame interview at Neyland Stadium. They see the pain in their Power 5 faces. Or, in the case of Nebraska, their Power 5 backsides, aching from the best worst false start in the history of false starts (a meme that should be the new Bottom 10 logo). "See?!" an exonerated Bottom 10er shouts at the ESPN Bottom Line, like Andy Dufresne into the rainy heavens. "Now you know how it feels!"
Then the locker room goes dark because his athletic director forgot to pay the electric bill.
With apologies to Steve Harvey and Sheriff ... er, Rebecca ... er, just plain Lobo, here's this week's Bottom 10.
1. UMass (0-6)
For all the talk about the top-25 matchups over the weekend, we here at Bottom 10 HQ, located in the boiler room beneath Jesse Palmer's suit closet, were anxious to see what kind of UMass critical mass might be produced by a visit to My Hammy of Ohio. The result was one of the most gloriously nauseating highlights in ESPN.com history, the stumble across the finish line that can come only from a 42-41 track meet run atop banana peels. Down one point with three seconds remaining, UMass chose not to spike the ball to stop the clock on first-and-goal. Instead it hurried into a screen pass that was stuffed at the 3-yard line as time expired. You can watch it here, or you could save the trouble and simply pick up your mouse and poke yourself in the eye with it. The RedHawks' 21-game losing streak ends while the Minutemen continue their pilgrimage of pain across the state of Ohio to face ...
2. Kent State (0-5)
Do you think the Golden Flashes are excited for this week's premiere of the new TV series about The Flash, or are they too preoccupied with the countdown to this week's Pillow Fight of the Week? The State of Kent attempted a 56-yard field goal that would have tied Northern Illinois, but fell short. With all due respect to Mississippi State and Auburn battling it out for perhaps the top spot in the AP Top 25, this is the game we'll be watching ... with "Yakety Sax" on a three-hour loop.
3. SMU (0-5)
The good news? SMU finally scored some points, a whopping 24 of them. That doubled its point total for the season and sent its per-game average skyrocketing from 3.0 points per game to 7.2. That helped boost the Mustangs from last in the FBS to ... well, OK, actually they're still last.
4. Troy (0-5)
Second only to UMass's obscurity obstacle course is the upcoming schedule for the Trojans, who have upcoming matchups with New Mexico State, Appalachian State, Georgia State and Idaho. All proud (or not) Bottom 10 regulars. In the middle of the stretch is also Georgia Southern. And that keeps my season-long streak of GS mentions intact.
5. Meechigan (2-4)
At what point do the Wolverines cross over from the coveted No. 5 spot and into the mix of the other nine? I have a lot more to say about the situation in Ann Arbor, but I am going to wait and send it to everyone in a press release at 12:48 a.m.
6. Vanderbilt (1-5)
Last week it was pointed out to me that Vandy hadn't started five quarterbacks in five games, as I said. No, the Commodores played five quarterbacks in five games. I'll be honest, I didn't see their game against Georgia, but I did check the box score because I thought maybe this week they'd go with no quarterback at all.
7. UConn (1-4)
UConn survived the weekend without losing to Open Date. Its reward is yet another Bottom 10 throwdown, a visit to Tulane. Like the Huskies, the Green Wave are also a 1-4 member of the American Athletic Conference of American Athletics.
8. Idaho (0-5)
The Vandals surrendered four rushing touchdowns to Texas State, covering 70, 95, 70 and 27 yards. On the bright side, their red zone defensive numbers look great.
9. Appalachian State (1-4)
This weekend the Mountaineers host Liberty University in the Hey We're Winning A Game Oh Yeah This Is What Life Was Like In FCS So Why Did We Leave This Classic.
10. Kansas (2-3)
I was in the Sunflower State this past weekend covering the NASCAR event at the Kansas Speedway and slipped over to the Little Apple to see the Fighting Bill Snyders dismantle Texas Tech. On the way, I stopped in Lawrence to refuel as the Jayhawks' loss to West Virginia blared over the service station PA system. I went in to pay and the guy at the register, a big ESPNU watcher, lectured me on how "no one can possibly take your Bottom 10 seriously if you don't have KU in there, dude" and provided me with five minutes of data to prove his point, including the fact that the Jayhawks had fired Charlie Weis and that his Pa-Pa won't even go to games anymore. OK, Jake of the I-70 truck stop, you win. Because your team doesn't.
Waiting List: Huh-waii (1-4), UNLV (1-5), Tulane (1-4), Ball State (1-4), The Boys From Oopsilanti (1-4), Rutgers fans storming the field after beating a 2-4 team, Southern Miss for not holding up its end of Mississippi's greatest weekend ever.