The Bottom 10 inspirational thought of the week:
What have I done to deserve such a fate?
I realize I have left it too late
And so it's true, pride comes before a fall
I'm telling you so that you won't lose all
I'm a loser
-- John Lennon, "I'm A Loser"
John Lennon wrote "I'm A Loser" during a period when he and his bandmates were spending a lot of time listening to country music, specifically Buck Owens and George Jones.
Yeah, that's right. The Beatles loved them some Possum.
Years later, when asked about the song, Lennon admitted the lyrics were personal. "Part of me suspects that I'm loser," he said. "And the other part of me thinks that I'm God Almighty."
"I'm A Loser" debuted on BBC Radio on Nov. 17, 1964. Just three days earlier, SMU, with a record of 1-6, marched into Fayetteville, Arkansas, to take on the third-ranked Razorbacks. Hayden Fry was in his second year at the helm of the Mustangs and facing his old boss, Frank Broyles. A couple weeks earlier, they'd given sixth-ranked Texas a scare in a 7-0 loss, so there was reason for hope.
That didn't last long. SMU lost 44-0 and finished the year 1-9. Arkansas finished 11-0 and won the national championship.
I talked to Fry for an ESPN The Magazine piece a few years ago, and he laughed when I asked him about the 1964 season (by the way, SMU bounced back to win the Southwest Conference title in 1966).
"All you can do as a coach is convince your team that those guys over there are mere mortals and that you have a real chance to win," he said. "But you also know going in that, realistically, you can't win that game. Even if you do something early that makes you think you have a chance, they will do something pretty quick to remind you that you don't."
From God Almighty to a loser. Just like Lennon.
During Saturday's noon slate of games, the poor-but-proud Bottom 10 regulars were living on both sides of that Lennon line. Iowa State was marching on Kansas State. Central Michigan was throttling Pur-don't. The MAC was getting all MACtion-ish. The B1G was getting all B1G-ish.
So who held onto that heavenly feeling, and who merely felt the pride before the fall? Grab your circle-shaped sunglasses and a copy of the White Album, and read on.
With apologies to Steve Harvey and Eleanor Rigby, here's this week's Bottom 10:
1. Miami (Ohio) (0-2)
"Helter Skelter": If Paul and John were Possum fans, I'm thinking they also loved late-game trickeration. During a weekend when a large chunk of the MAC was going toe-to-toe with the Big Ten, Miami stubbed its toe against Eastern Kentucky and lost 17-10 on a fourth quarter double-reverse that went for a 43-yard game-winning touchdown. Rumors have swirled for a while now that the Colonels might one day receive an invitation to move up from FCS and join the MAC. Miami might not vote for that. Now the RedHawks have to go to the Big House. More on that in a minute.
2. SMU (0-2)
"All Things Must Pass": George Harrison penned this tune in 1969, but his original recording didn't surface until the Beatles Anthology albums were released. June Jones, a Run-and-Shoot godfather, has lived his life by an "All Things Must Pass" mantra and there was a time when his teams produced 40-plus points just by getting off the bus. But on Saturday SMU was rolled 43-6 in the nicest college facility you don't know about, the North Texas Mean Green's Apogee Stadium. After two games the Mustangs have been outscored 88-6 and have 16 fewer rushing yards than I do. On Monday night, Jones stepped down. Now, they get a week off, but then have to face Texas A&M for a meeting with a guy who looks like one of Jones's old protégés, Kenny Football... I mean, Kenny Hill... I mean, Kenny Trill. Perhaps someone should call Coach Frye.
3. Washington State (0-2)
"You've Really Got A Hold On Me": In 1963, the Beatles covered this Smokey Robinson & The Miracles classic. On Friday night in Reno, the Nevada Wolf Pack had a hold of the entire Wazzu backfield to the tune of four sacks and 38 rushing yards on 18 attempts. After two games, Mike Leach's team is averaging 22 yards rushing per contest. They say if you play some Beatles songs in reverse, you can hear secret messages. If you do the same with Washington State's running game, it sounds like a pirate crying.
4. Vanderbilt (0-2)
"Nowhere Man": When it comes to the 'Dores, there are many ways to utilize this gem from the Rubber Soul album. First, we could slap it onto Vandy head coach Derek Mason, who is already halfway to last year's loss total after just two games. Second, we could apply it to me, who apparently had no sense of geography last week, seeing as how I think I had Vandy, Wake and UMass all playing in the wrong stadiums. But we all know who the true Nowhere Man in this scenario is: It's the dude who ripped off his shirt and hat, threw them onto the field and stormed out of Vanderbilt Stadium like VU alum Jay Cutler pretty much storms out of everywhere.
5. Michigan (1-1)
"Yellow Submarine": OK, I know it's not really yellow. It's maize. But the looks on the late-game faces of Brady Hoke and his staff were unmistakably blue, like they were in a vessel with the cabin pressure turned up too high. Hue debate aside, this ship is definitely submerging. As noted earlier, the Fightin' Go Blues play host to Miami of O-hi-uh this weekend. That's what's known in Bottom 10 parlance as the Pillow Fight of the Week, or looking at the team logos, let's call it M-ageddon.
6. Troy (0-2)
"Tell Me What You See": As the Trojans fell to Duke, I fielded tweets answering my call for a title we could affix to the state of Alabama's "other" rivalry game, UAB vs. Troy. Among the responses: Iron Ore Bowl, Wrinkled Cotton Shirt Bowl (anti-Iron, get it?), Distance Learning Bowl, Kudzu Bowl, 1 Percent Bowl (for the 1 Percent of Alabamans who care) and my personal favorite, the Harvey Updyke Isn't Banned Here Bowl.
7. New Mexico (0-2)
"It Won't Be Long": The timpani of excitement continues to build toward the Lobos' Sept. 20 trip down I-25 to take on currently undefeated New Mexico State (via huge wins over Cal Poly and Georgia State) in the I Knew I Shoulda Taken That Left Turn At Albuquerque Bowl presented by Garmin. The good news? Bob Davie's team can run the football and ranks 14th in the nation at 308 yards per game. The bad news? They're ranked 123rd in both passing yards and points against.
8. UMass (0-2)
"Here, There and Everywhere": The Minutemen are splitting their home dates between home state locations. This past weekend's game was held 90 minutes east of Amherst at the Patriots' Gillette Stadium. The 41-38 loss to Colorad-no was attended by 10,227, or roughly the same number of people who will instantaneously show up in Foxborough if someone posts to a message board that Tom Brady dropped a used hair gel bottle in the parking lot.
9. Idaho (0-1)
"Strawberry Fields Forever": Do they grow strawberries in Moscow? Vandals Nation was quick to call me out on ranking them after they hadn't played a game in Week 1. I even had one professor inform me via Twitter that my suggestion of forcing Florida to play a mid-December makeup game in a frozen potato field was impossible. Why? Because they don't grow potatoes in northern Idaho. This week, Idaho takes on Western Michigan in a Bottom 10 Bowl play-in game.
10. Kent State (0-2)
"Why Don't We Do It In The Road?": The Golden Flashes started their season with two manageable games in the friendly confines of Dix Stadium. They are 0-2. Now they hit the road for three weeks, starting with an afternoon in Columbus to face an Ohio State team that will be angrier than Pat Haden running down from the press box. It's hard to believe this team won eleven games two years ago. But at least their former head coach is doing great things at Purdue. No, wait...
Waiting list: Nasty emails from Georgia Southern fans, Southern Miss (1-1), Tulane (0-2), Northwestern (0-2), FAU (0-2), FIU (0-2), any other school with a vowel between F and U.