Also Receiving Votes

Lorena Ochoa wins her first major, first women's tourney at St. Andrew's
Dwayne Bowe and Jon Beason sign their first contracts, make first millions
Steelers coach Mike Tomlin wins first "game"

Oddities

Odds on the real reason Brady Quinn hasn't signed yet:
10 to 1 Signing early would probably mean starting the first game, which would increase the likelihood of career-ending injury
5 to 1 He's demanding the Browns sign a 20-year contract to play Stanford every season
3 to 1 He's scared to explain to Jim Brown why he didn't show up on time

Not In This Issue

Irvin has HOF blazer altered; adds seven buttons and pinstripes
Lewis Hamilton avoids being pulled over for 11th straight race
Giants fine Strahan's ex-wife $7,000 per day of holdout … seeing how she gets half and all

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Milestones From The Weekend

1 Barry Bonds Ties The Hammer
Bud Selig may not have wanted to be at Petco Park on Saturday night, but he had to be happier than he appeared to be when Bonds sent a Clay Hensley pitch into the second deck in left-center. Though Selig didn't even bother to take his hands out of his pockets, the response from the crowd was much better than expected. Many San Diego fans cheered the momentous occasion, the most pleasant surprise since Y2K rolled around and the sun managed to come up. Or maybe Pads fans simply felt they were entitled to witness the milestone? When your team gives up 87 homers to one man, you deserve to witness history.
2 A-Rod's The Youngest To Hit 500 Homers
With one swing of the bat, "Chasing Bonds" has begun. Rodriguez reached 500 homers 330 days faster than Jimmie Foxx. Reaching 800 by age 40 seems entirely possible, but there are two things to remember. After reaching 500 in warp speed, Double X hit only 34 more dingers in his career. And A-Rod will never catch Bonds if New York -- the city where a tabloid ran a headline reading "Yankees 8, A-Rod 0" after baseball's best player didn't get his during the Bombers' home run party Tuesday night -- gives him a career-ending ulcer.
3 Tom Glavine Gets Win No. 300
Apparently Glavine's too old to leave his piece of history up to the whippersnappers. On top of holding the Cubs to two runs in 6 1/3 innings, Glavine drove in the Mets' first run with an RBI single, drew a walk and advanced a runner to third -- who eventually scored -- with what amounted to a swinging bunt. Congrats to Glavine, probably the last 300-game winner the game will see.
4 Michael Irvin Breaks Hall Of Fame Tears Record
When Tiki Barber dismissed Irvin's criticism of how the former Giants running back handled his retirement, Irvin responded by saying, in spite of his personal transgressions, he knew something about leading a football team. He was absolutely right. Say what you want about Irvin, but Saturday was something he deserved. On top of being a prototypical possession receiver, he was the heart and soul of one of the greatest teams ever. No shame in those tears, Playmaker, your tattered handkerchief notwithstanding. You earned that moment.
5 Tiger's First Win As A Papa
Guess it took Tiger until Saturday to get accustomed again to full nights of sleep, because he obliterated the field in the final round of the Bridgestone Invitational on Sunday to take his first trophy since the birth of his first child. Woods was one shot behind leader Rory Sabbatini after the third round. But he shot a 65 on Sunday and won by eight strokes, making a mockery of Sabbatini's statement after the Wachovia Championships that Tiger looked "more beatable than ever." With this win, Tiger taught us a bit about foreign language; it seems that "Rory Sabbatini" translates to "Stephen Ames" in English.
6 Fidel Castro Cuts Defectors Some Slack
The Cuban president has expressed a willingness to take in two boxers who defected during the Pan Am Games. Not sure this is a milestone, per se, but it's a great excuse to show this. Falling, ladies and gentlemen, is always funny. Always.

Monday August 6

1 "Angels In The Outfield": 1 pm, Disney Channel
How far have the Angels come in the Mike Scioscia era? At this point, it's hard to imagine this team would need divine intervention to win some games. But when this movie was released in '94? Not even help from above would save that squad.
2 Duke Football Preview: 7:30 pm, Fox Sports Atlantic
The description of this program reads "Blue Devil gridiron highlights," and the show runs for 30 minutes. So either it's really just a clip of the rest of the ACC's highlights, or two minutes of Duke footage and a 28-minute Soloflex infomercial.
3 Nationals at Giants: 10 pm, ESPN
Know what's the real show in Bonds' quest for 756? His adorable, chicken-wing-flapping, smack-talking daughter. I get the feeling no syringe-chucking heckler wants any part of Miss Aisha Lynn. Or maybe that's just me.

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by Bomani Jones